Oh, Fuck Pirates of the Carribean
by Otakufan1034
Summary: So anyway, this Is OCXEngland story. I'm sure about the rating yet, but It'll probably be rated T or higher. I'll tend to make this story lengthy. I hope you enjoy this story, I'm enjoying writing It. I've always loved Pirates, they be so awesome.
1. Oh This Is not good

**Author's Note:** I just love making random stories can you tell? Anyway yes this Is another Hetalia fic and yes the main pairing In this one Is OCxEngland...but not In the way you'd think anyway so let's get down to buisness shall we? The latest chapter of my unit fic Is almost done and my friend Yumi Mizuma...If you haven't already read It has the most AWESOME manuel fic out and about right now so you'll have to check that out and thank you dedicated reader If you read this long paragraph or essay before every chapee, your awesome give yourself a pat on the back. Anyway, I have a surprise for you! If your the 10th reviewer of this fic, then I'll write a special one shot just for you! Promise! Anyway on with the show.

Fuck Pirates of the Carribean

Chapter 1 - ...Oh this Is not good...

I felt so exicted, to day was halloween. Let me repeat that today was FUCKING halloween!

I felt so great my best friends and I were going to be trick or treating this year. What? Were only 14 It's not THAT weird.

So let me list off our costumes now.

Cody was going as the grimm reaper.

Kaleb was going as a ninja.

And Chris was going as a knight.

Me? What am I going as you mean? Well this year I was going to be...

A PIRATE! I know right!? And my costume was DECKED OUT. I had a triangular hat with gold trim, with a black feather tucked Into the red scarf wrapped around the base. I had a white ruffle shirt with a red vest on. Also I had a long black trench coat with Interakit gold trim and buttons. AND AN EYE PATCH!

Also, and I won't dare admit this to the guys, but the gold hoop ear ring I had In my right ear was not a clip on. Yeah I got my ears pierced, but that was a long time ago, back when I was being a rebel.

So we were getting ready, more like I was fully dressed and waiting for the rest of the girls up stairs to get ready.

So anyway they all came down stairs and I grinned.

"A'right, ready to get shit faced crew?"

Everyone laughed at my cheesey pirate accent, I thought It was good, but apparently It was just funny.

"Of course we're ready stripes!" I rolled my eyes and crossed my arms.

"Oh really, because I think Chris could use some extra mascara, and Kaleb might need an extra scarf. OMG you guys would look just FABULOUS!" I waved both my hands and squealed, sarcstically mind you. Everyone rolled their eyes at my acussing behavoir, but they laughed anyway.

"So? Let's go!"

I was about to march through the kitchen door when I was stopped by something, a tug at my sleeve more like It.

I turned around confused, but just to see Madeliene.

If your wondering who Madeliene Is...well...she's...you see she's...

"A fairy!"

I was oh so suddenly Interrupted by the annoying light purple winged nut case.

"Uh...guys why don't you go ahead without me!"

They all rolled their eyes but left anyway, and as soon as they were out the door.

"Maddy! WHAT THE FUCK! You know I can't talk to you with other people around, whaddya want anyway?"

The small sprite just grinned and shook her head. "Sorry stripey! I forgot..but I have something Important to tell you!"

I laughed and grinned, I couldn't stay mad at her for long. "Alright, alright. What do you want to tell me?"

She laughed. "I wanted to tell you since It's Halloween I can grant you a wish!"

I doubled back. "A wish...?" She nodded giggling. "Uh-huh! So what do you want to be granted?" I shook my head "I don't want anything, why do you want to grant my wish anyway?"

"Your a great person Stripey! You were my friend when all the other fairies cast me out! And all because my wings are purple...what a stupid reason to hate someone!" The poor little thing started to tear up.

"Hey! Dont you cry, just because having purple wngs Is considered bad luck doesn't mean you are any less of a...fairy thing." Well you try to figure It out, I was still as confused as you and I've known her for YEARS.

"I know...but you're a good friend..so I wanted to grant your wish!"

I sighed, this little thing was such a nice little..fairy. Yeah that still didn't feel right. _Man, I wish I could just be somewhere else right now, thinking about this Is so hard_.

"Alright I-."

"You wish Is granted!"

Before I could say anything else a big burst of light appeared out of fucking no where and It was lights out.

_**A few or so hours ago, fuck If I know.**_

It was dark pitch black, why Is It so dark? Oh.

My eyes were closed.

I opened them and was met with a clear blue cloudless sky. "What In the fuck?" I sat up quickly, my surroundings seemed to be tropical. _A Island perhaps?_ I spuinted and placed a hand over my eyes to protect them from the suns glare.

"Oh, I'mma _kiiiillllll yooouuuuu Madeliene._"

I stood up as panic started to set In. I glanced down at my boots and finally realized I was still In my Pirates uniform, with the stupid hat, and eye-patch, and everything.

I hurriedly shook my head back and forth trying to at least firgure out where I was.

_Deserted Island_, popped Into my brain and I nervously waved It away.

"No, no fucking way this Is a deserted Island, I probably just got drunk with the fellas and blacked out Is' all." I looked out at the wide span of ocean before me and gulped.

"Yeah, I'm defiantly not all alone on a deserted Island with no food or water In the middle of the ocean. WAAAAAAHHHHHH!"

Yeah officially paniced now.

I took a few deep breathes and calmed my-self down.

"Alright, I'll go take a look around and actually _see_ If this Is an Island I might just be on some kind of beach. Yeah, It might be just a beach...so civilazation should be around here somewhere."

_**One hour later or something.**_

"IT'S NOT A BEEEEAAAAACCCCCHHHHH!" Yeah turns our It actually was a deserted Island. I sniffed as I folded my arms around my-self.

"Man, Madeliene why'd you go and do me like this? I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS!"

I sighed and walked over to the beach again watching the waves span out against the sand. It looked around somewhere between morning and noon, so there Is a chance I could be rescued.

"All In all, even though I'm totally alone this Is actually pretty nice." I smiled and pulled off my boots then pulled up my pant legs.

I always like dipping my toes In the water at the beach It's really fun!

I giggled slightly and walked through the water, when suddenly...

"LAND HO!"

I jumped the cry came booming from the vast ocean scenery. I looked and there on the horizon was a little black dot. _A ship? Wow, this Is great news, I didn't expect to be saved so early Into the..well I can't exactly call It a ship wreck..I guess after getting lost? Whatever who cares? I'm saved!_

As the ship got closer I got a little worried, for some reason I was getting this ominous feel. It was as If this ship was something that I should run-away from. It's weird, because I was going to be saved by this ship, right?

I squinted as the ship's flag was finally In view...I'm not much for telling flags from flags, but maybe It was a flag I might recognize?

Skull and cross bones.

"_OMG, PIRATES!?"___

Alright even more paniced now.

I ran-away as fast as I could, but with running away I would just be found, so I climbed a tree and hid In the leaves.

I was In a positon where I could still see the ship clearly. They had already reached the shore and some were already getting off the ship, thank-god I was close enough to hear what they were saying or I would've been even more nervous.

"Captain! We're finally here!"

_Huh? Captain?_

Of course every pirate ship had a captain. I felt my face fall at my stupidity.

Suddenly I tall blonde guy swung by some ropey-thingey and landed on the shore. Let's see he was dressed kinda like me...well A LOT like me. And wait...what In the world?

I felt my eye twitch as I noticed probably the most biggest feature on the guy.

"Eye-brows...," I muttered quietly.


	2. Why? Just why?

**Author's Note:** Alright Chapter 2~!

Chapter 2 - ...Why? Just why?

Okay this Is not good. I've been In this tree for god knows how long, and the dumb Pirates still haven't left. Plus, I don't know where I am, weither or not these guys or friendly, or even If I'll ever get back home! Yeah my life's just so awesome right now.

"Oi! Captain! I found somethin'!"

I froze, what did they find exactly?

"What did you find?" Stated bushy brows, yes I'm going to call him that but only because I don't know his name everyone just keeps calling him Captain.

"I don't know but me' best guess would be It's a pair of boots." Okay If this guy had to guess It was a pair of boots then I don't think he's that sma-.

Wait, boots? I wiggled my toes and looked down. No boots, I stared back at the scene before me. Crap.

"Oh? So that means someone really Is on this Island? I knew I saw something here! And ye' all called me' crazy!"

I could only tell two things so far about this bunch of Pirates.

1.) They were British or Irish, considering their accents.

2.) They were Idiots.

Seems like a pretty accurate description.

"Woof!"

"Ah..," I jumped and looked around. Just where did that 'woof' come from?

"Woof, woof!" I looked down and sure enough, there was a dog. Just fucking craptackular. I hissed at the dog. "Go away! If you keep making anymore noise, they'll find me!" The dog just growled slightly and jumped up a bit and bit my pant leg. "Ah! Let go you stupid dog! Stop!" I hissed quietly, trying desperately not to freak out and scream. I had a fear of dogs don't ask.

The dog suddenly dropped all It's weight to the ground, and I, unfortuantly, came crashing down with It.

FUCK MY LIFE IN-DEFIANTLY!

"Ahhhhh! You dumbass dog! Why'd you have to do that!" I proceeded to call the dog multiple names In which would probably be not suitable for you to hear.

"Huh? What's all that noise about?"

Uh Oh.

"It came from over there!" Shuffling noises and loud grunts. Shit.

"It sounded like hutch! I think he found something!" Double shit.

Brush was cleared and suddenly out comes bushy brows leading the troops. Meanwhile I was pressed up against the tree with my hands In the air, with a growling dog In my lap.

I stared at bushy brows and he stared back, well more like scowled. I laughed nervously In the back of my throat. I'm gonna cry, he's so scary.

"Um...?" I felt my Insides shrink to microscopic size. "I, well you see...looks like you found me!" I laughed nervously and stood up. "I have to admit your pretty good at being the finder! I thought nobody was gonna find me In that tree, but your dog Is really smart." Ah, yes nervous confident bravado...always a good fail-safe.

"And just who?" Bushy brows stepped forward with his cutlass clutched tightly In his hand. I think that's what swords back...wherever I am where called. I mean It looks like a cutlass- THIS IS SO NOT THE TIME FOR THAT! Stupid attention span, why you be so short!?

"Might you be."

Alright good question. Now just how to answer. Suddenly a funny Internet clipped played through my head just then and I started giggling Un-controlably and fell to the ground.

"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! When I'm Nigel! Ahhhhh!" I screamed loudly In laughter.

I stood back up fast after I was down though and replied In a cool, and calm attitude.

"My name Is Stripes, and you are?" The guy sniffed at me, actually sniffed at me. What did I smell bad or something? Was I to much of a piece of trash for mister thirty eye-brows? I felt my nasty anger heat up again.

"My name Is Captain Kirkland."

I rolled my eyes and folded my arms. "Really?..._Funny I thought you'd be called Captain Eye-brows._" His head shot up. "What was that!?" I laughed "Oh nothin', so why'd you come to this rinky dink Island anyway? Isn't It In the middle of nowhere?"

"I though I saw someone on this Island and was curious as to why someone would be all the way out here on some 'rinky dink Island'." I tilted my head to the side, "Hm...well makes sense." I shrugged and laughed.

"And why are you here anyway?"

I snapped my eyes open and looked around nervously. "Um, well you see...HOW ABOUT WE JUST CALL IT MAGIC, HUH!?" I fidgeted nervously. The captain just stared, and stared, and stared.

_And stared._

"What!?" I finally yelled.

"Oh, nothing...your an odd fellow." I shot him a confused look, "Am I? Hm, well I guess you could say I'm odd, but then again I'm not odd. So I guess I'm just a peculiar type of odd, how's that?"

The captain laughed, "Odd." I laughed too, "Yeah I guess It Is odd Isn't? Oh well so you guys gonna leave now or what?" The captain Instantly stopped laughing. "Leave? You mean just leave you here?" He pointed to the ground as to emphasize his point.

"Well, yeah? I mean aren't you guys like pirates or something? You have no reason to help me, I'm of no benefit to your crew...well I guess I would at least seem that way."

"Oi, lad! We always have use for someone on the crew! Where do ye' think the' sayin' the more the merrier com' from?" Shouted on of the crew members.

I just looked at them Un-certainly and cast my glance back at the captain. "And, you're fine with this?" I asked skeptically. He shrugged and laughed, "Why not, It might be' Interestin' to have ye' aboard."

"Kay...um, sure why not?" I laughed and shrugged my shoulders.

And that's how I became apart of then Queen's Revenge's crew.

**Some time later on the ship. About like maybe 5 miles from the deserted Island.**

Turns out these guys are pretty nice, the captain can be a little on the cold side though. That's fine, because I've always liked the tusndere characters In my most favorite animes. I like tsunderes because they just don't know how to express their emotions as well as others. This, I think, Is what makes a tsundere special from the other moe type characters.

Plus they're really cute when they get worked up and start blushing.

I was standing In front of the low railed part of the ship, just admiring the ocean. I know my thoughts might seem weird, but hey, you can't say they aren't Interesting to think about. I laughed as I watched another wave smash against the ship.

"Ar, ye seem to like the ocean a lot, boy."

I jumped and turned around to face the captain. "Yep! I think It's really pretty. When I was a kid I always loved going to the beach. The way the water sparkles In the right sun light really Is amazing Isn't It?" I turned slightly to the side to gaze out on the endless waves of blue.

When I heard a laugh from him.

"You really are a strange one aren't you? I have to agree though, the' sea be' a very pretty lass."

I smiled and laughed again, turning to him. "I suppose so Isn't It?"

That's when Mr. Tsundere captain started blushing. I couldn't help but think how cute embarassment Is. I stared at the setting sun and frowned. "Oh, It seems as thought the day Is leaving us." I know right such a cool analogy I probably just Impressed him big time!

'Grrrreeeeaaaa'.

I placed a hand over my stomach and laughed. "Ah, I guess It's dinner time." I smiled nervously at the captain. "So, as to repay you for rescueing me, I'll make all of you dinner tonight. Sound good?" The captain smiled at me and nodded.

"Ar, sounds good. But I don't believe you ever gave me ye' name."

I titlted my head to the side amused as I felt my grin grow. "You never told me yours either, captain." He shifted nervously, and I couldn't help but think _TOO CUTE! _"Also, I did tell you my name but that wasn't really my name. That was just a nickname my friends call on account I like striped patterns."

"Ah, well me' first name Is Arthur."

I laughed and smiled. "Well It's nice to meet you Arthur. My full name Is Si, Si Holder." He blushed again and then laugh nervously. "Ar, then It's an honor to have ye' aboard Si."

And I think that's the moment I probably fell In love with Arthur Kirkland.


	3. Cooking, and assumptions

**Author's Note:** Thank you for readin up til now! If your still readin this Author's Note, then I respect you as a person! Anyway, the story up to this point already has a plot, but you know me II don't like the plot to kick In til' maybe the 3rd or 4th chapter. Yes this has the average Omake game plot. I hope that doesn't deter you away from the story though! Anyway, on with the show! Bye the way, Si's name Is pronounced like Sy fy. You know the first part; Si.

Chapter 3 - Cooking, and assumptions.

After my talk with Arthur on the deck of the ship, I proceeded to follow him down to what I believed would be the kitchen of the ship. I repeat Imagined to be, this was not a kitchen though, this was a monstorcity. "Waaah! What's with this kitchen? Why Is It so dirty?"

I turned to face Arthur with an acussing glare. He just smiled nervously and shrugged. "Well, I cooked In here a couple times before. I tried to clean up, but you know being the' captain of de' ship Is hard work."

I sighed and walked over to the dirtied counters. This place smelled of mildew and rotting food. To say It was disgusting would DEFIANTLY be the understatment of the century. I placed a finger on the black grime and pulled It back. Jet black. I wiped my finger on my pants with a disgusted face.

"Alright, let's see. Do you have any soap?" Arthur nodded his head, "Of course, down In storage me' think." I smiled and nodded, "Okay that should do, I'll also need some water from the ocean as well. If It Isn't to much trouble." I cast a side-long glance at the belwildered Captain. He nodded after awhile though and left to go bark out some orders to his crew probably.

_**About five-minutes later. You know If I have to tell you this you must really be bad at telling time.**_

Okay, so now I had a couple barrels of water and about five bars of soap. I smiled, this was a perfect ammount of cleaning supplies for me to clean the kitchen. The only proablem was where to start?

I cast a look around the room. "Hmm...," the floor was dusty the table and chairs were also dusty, the kitchen sink was full of dirty dishes and the counters were covered In filth and grime. I sighed, this was going to take AWHILE.

_**About two or so hours later. Heh, It takes me about that long to clean my room. So lazy~!**_

I groaned and straightened up as my spine cracked. I sighed relaxingly and wiped the sweat from my forehead. After all that I was finally DONE~! I love the feeling you get when something that took forever to do Is finally done. It was such a relief, but I still had to get started on dinner! What sort of Ingredients did they have?

How can I cook It I don't think, whatever time I'm In, had the convience of the modern day domesticated kitchen! I felt my face contort Into a teary mask, why'd I'd have to be so Un-lucky.

"God-damnit Madeliene. If I ever get back I'll kill you!"

"Kill who?"

I jumped and spun around only to see one of the crew members. He was around my age but slightly older. He had a rugged type of exterior about him with a scar down his left eye. In fangirl terms, he wasn't very good looking but a great candidate for a bring brother type.

"Oh, It was nothing. I was just wondering what to cook. I don't know what we have, so I have no Idea what I actually CAN cook." I sighed dejectedly, this was so awful.

"You could cook spagghetti. I know we have noodles In storage and sauce to go with It."

I Immiadately brightened. "You mean we have pasta? Of thank god, that'd be perfect! Let's go get It!" Without giving the guy a moment to protest I grabbed his hand and ran down to the storage area. How'd I know where the storage area was you ask? Arthur gave me a tour during the first time skip, whatever that Is.

"A-ah, wait!"

I stopped when we finally reached the storage room. I looked around confused as to where exactly everything was. I turned to ask the guy standing next to me but he seemed...what's the phrase, he looked like I broke him.

He was blushing badly and was staring down at our hands, which I had finally realized where still laced together. I released his hand Immiadately, my own slight blush plastered across my face. "A-ah! Oh man, I'm sorry didn't realize I grabbed you hand before...uh."

_...Woosh...arkward silence._

I cleared my throat, deciding to break the silence and turned towards him. "Alright, so where's that pasta you were talking about?" He blinked and nodded relieved. "It's right over there." He pointed to the shelf closest to us and I blinked. Was that there the whole time? I'm such a dits sometimes.

I groaned and walked over to the shelf and pulled off two cartons of pasta and a couple jars of Tomato Sauce. I slowly walked over to the Kitchen of the ship and was surprised to see the Captain sitting In one of the cleaned chairs at the table. I stared at him confused.

"Um, Arthur?"

He jumped when he noticed I was there and smiled. "Oh, It's just you Si. I was just wondering If you'd like me to help you cook? I mean you already cleaned the kitchen, and that was partially my fault for making It such a mess In the first place."

I smiled and laughed. "Sure that'd be great. First and foremost though, we have to wash our hands." I placed the food Items on the counter, then walked over to the sink. "Of course," he replied hurriedly. I picked up the bar of soap and washed my hands thoroughly then handed the bar to him. He already had his sleeves rolled up, I wasn't surprised I mean he even said himself that he cooked In the kitchen a couple of times.

I washed my hands of the soapy substance In a pot of seawater I put aside especially for this occasion. Just then though the guy who helped me with deciding what to cook came In with a couple buckets of water.

I smiled and laughed nervously. "Hey man! You got water, thanks I kinda forgot to get water to boil the noodles In!" He smiled back and set the buckets on the counter, "I kind of figured you'd need water to make pasta, and your welcome." Then he cast a stare at Arthur and I didn't see much after that.

I filled the big pot I got up with one bucket of water and placed It on the stove. I then realized It was one of those old timey stoves that you have to put wood In to heat up. I frowned and turned back to the Captain, but he was still staring at the other guy well more like glaring. I decided to finally break up the staring contest though by clearing my throat.

"Arthur? Do you know where some wood Is so I can boil the water?"

Athur blinked twice before turning to me and smiled. "Oh, I'm sorry Si I was distracted It's right next to the stove." He pointed to the oh so magically appearing wood. Honestly what Is wrong with me today, I hope I don't need glasses. I mean I have a pair of reading glasses but I don't want to have to wear some twenty-four seven.

"Ugh, thanks. I swear what's wrong with me today? First It was Madeliene then It was the pasta and now the wood?" I groaned as I picked up three pieces of wood and placed them In the stove. Now all I need are some matches.

I stood back up and looked at Arthur. "Matches," I stared at him, then he finally seemed to realize I was talking and looked back at me confused. "Honestly If you guys like each other so much why don't you kiss already and quit staring at each other, honestly It'd make my life a lot easier."

Okay that was a deep shade of red the Captain was sporting on his face.

"_W-what!?"_ I resisted the urge to giggle the face he was making was just too priceless. I glanced over at the guy who helped me he was no better. His face was also a deep shade of red, but he was looking down and being silent In embarassment.

"Geez, I was just joking. I don't see watcha gotta get so worked up over. Honestly so childish~!"

I swerved around to face the stove with my arms bended and my palms flat, shrugging. I laughed and bended my back so I was looking at Athur up-side down. My face was still for exactly three seconds before I spat my tongue out and pulled down my bottom left eye lid down with my left index finger.

"Nyah~!" I smiled and laughed, then turned around to the open oven door. I frowned then finally I saw It, a box of matches next to the stove. "Honestly what Is with all the stupid I-spy games today?" I sighed and picked the box up and unseathed the matches. I picked one out and struck It against the sand papery side of the box.

I took out a piece of paper from my pocket and lit It with the match then placed the paper In the oven, In the middle of the wood as to make sure It burned properly.

"Alrighty~! So now all we have to do Is wait for the water to boil, and place the sauce In a pot so It can cook too." I picked up the jars and uncapped them and poured them In the pot then placed It on the stove.

Finally I sighed and walked over to the dining table and sat In one of the chairs. "You guys ever play the waiting game?"

_**A few or so hourse later. Seriously get a watch X(**_

I had located the plates, the forks and the strainer, strained the noodles placed the noodles on the plates and set the table. All of It was done, and It wasn't so dark out-side to boot! I smiled and turned to Arthur, who I might add helped me quite a bit during my cooking expaditon. God knows he didn't do any cooking just helping me by handing me pots and stiring untensils.

Finally everyone was seated and eating. I, for lack of a batter place to sit, was sitting next to that friendly chap from earlier. Funny I think I just realized I forgot to ask him his name. I stopped before I took another bite of pasta.

"Hey, what's your name anyway?"

I know I was SO polite. He looked at me and smiled, "My name Is Carlisle, but you can call me Cal Instead." I smiled and nodded my head, "Good, my name Is Si." He nodded back, "Nice to meet you Si."

I went back to eating my food after that, but I noticed Athur had yet to start eating. In fact most of the crew had yet to start eating. I furrowed my eyebrows confused, "Sooooooo...," as soon as I said that mostly everyone was staring at me, except the few who had actually started to eat.

"You know, I didnt poison the food or anything. If I wanted you dead, I wouldn't use that method."

The all stared at we with 'WTF' faces, It was hard not to laugh because It was just too funny. I sighed, "You gonna eat or not? Most of you look like a stick with a wig on top of It so you could use the extra calories." Everyone reluctantly started eating after that, I was satisfied when most of their faces lit up and started eating the noodles with more gusto.

"Si?"

I turned my head to look at the one who had spoken, Arthur. I raised my eyebrows, "Yeah?" He stared back then down at the food. "How did you learn to cook so well, I thought men were supposed to be bad cooks?"

I furrowed my eyebrows In confusion, but then realized something. If we're In the olden days where Pirates still reined, then that meant they still believed In the whole 'Women belong In the kitchen men belong on the battle feild' thing.

I scowled and huffed. "I'll have you know, there are some women In my life that can be me up without even batting an eye-lash. I can cook simply because I have to cook, and when I was younger my parents were bakers so naturally I'd be a natural cook." I tsked and looked away from Arthur.

Yeah he just lost MAJOR respect points.


End file.
